Bio’s got some big pop culture predictions for 2015!
As 2014 comes to a close (to the relief of most of us — what a year, right?), we thought we’d end things on a lighter note, with our pop culture predictions for 2015. As we tap into our inner Nostradamus and look at last year’s big moments, here is what we came up with for next year’s possible OMG headliners.
North West Breaks the Internet: Sick of being cropped out and playing second fiddle to mom Kim Kardashian’s selfie obsession, North West starts taking her own selfies (she terms “northies”) and takes up vaping to keep her toddler stress at bay.
Bottoms Up: Topping Ellen DeGeneres’s Oscar selfie, newly minted Oscar host Neil Patrick Harris will gather a gaggle of beaded, sparkly, and suave A-listers and hit Twitter with a panoramic Hollywood belfie (butt selfies).
Naked Truth: Jennifer Lawrence realizes her nude selfies have garnered a large virtual army of lonely prepubescent hackers. This army is what was actually responsible for the hacking attack that knocked out the North Korean internet.
They’ll Try Anything: Out of sheer desperation for people to hear their music, U2 makes a deal with Apple to only allow people to unlock their iPhones by listening to a song off their album.
Deflated: Kylie Jenner’s lips actually explode.
The McConaissance Gets Even Clearer: Out of respect for the newly revered acting genius of Matthew McConaughey and his Texas jibberish, movie execs will implement subtitles in all the the actor’s films from here on out.
Sick Seductress Strikes Again: Angelina Jolie cancels another major movie premiere event due to a bad case of whooping cough she catches from god knows where… yet she manages to find a way to make her video message to her fans even more salacious than her chicken pox video.
From Russia, With Love: After the North Korean cyberterrorist attack on Sony and all the whirlwind international publicity gained for their movie The Interview, Seth Rogen and James Franco make a gay-romance movie starring Vladmir Putin called Barechested Mountain. The movie sells out in the Ukraine.
Royal Exposure: Prince William and Kate decide it’s easier to parade Prince George and their soon-to-be born babe in front of the press by hanging them from a low-flying drone, mimicking a cat chasing a laser pointer.
Back to Basics: Taylor Swift pulls her music off of all digital outlets including iTunes, electing to instead release only sheet music and lyrics of her material. “Artists deserve to step fully into the past, before making recordings was even physically possible,” she pontificates.