If you missed Chris Rock bringing on the funny at Sunday night’s BET Awards, here are some highlights of his monologue and then some. And you’re welcome.
“Solange had a fight with Jay-Z in the elevator. That’s what happened this year, ok? You know what? Solange hit the right rapper, okay? She did. She hit the right rapper. Everybody’s like, I can’t believe Jay didn’t smack her. Well Jay’s a business man now. He can’t just go punching girls in the face. He’s got a meeting with Nabisco in the morning. That’s right. She hit Blueprint 3 Jay Z. ‘Cuz reasonable doubt Jay Z – if she hit reasonable doubt, that elevator would have been filled up with nothing but lipstick, blood, and weave.”
“The Butler was amazing. That’s right. Oprah Winfrey should have got an Oscar. Because that acting job was amazing because she had to act like she was poor. That’s right. There was one scene where she was stirring a pot of food for her man. You know they had to get specialists to help her with that. Had to show her what a spatula was. She thought it was a money flipper.”
“Don’t make me defend Donald Sterling. What exactly did he say? What exactly did Donald Sterling say? “I don’t want my woman around black basketball players.” Me neither! Are you kidding me? Who the hell wants their woman around black basketball players?”
“[Usher] discovered Justin Bieber, and now he’s going to spend the rest of his life apologizing for it.”
“He just signed a new deal. Too bad it was a plea deal. Give it up for Chris Brown!”