Instead of a new hoodie, we decided to give Mark this ode to greatness for his 30th birthday.
The king—no, emperor—of social media, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, turns 30 today. We knew that from a young age it would be his world, and that we would just communicate in it. How did we know? Consider these signs:
1) He shares a birthday with fellow empire builder George Lucas.
So the Force was with the Star Wars fan from the very beginning.
2) He captained his prep school fencing team.
3) He was an atheist as a teen.
Which doesn’t necessarily mean anything — noted atheists run the gamut from Karl Marx to Patton Oswalt. Combine that, though, with the “666” that rivals claim is embedded in his scalp, and, hmmmmmm?
4) He says The Aeneid is his favorite book.
Virgil’s epic poem of war and nation building was good training for those bruising boardroom battles depicted in The Social Network. (Maybe you would have amounted to something if you had read past the CliffsNotes.)
5) He can’t see red or green.
Which he makes up for with X-ray vision. (And explains the Facebook blue.)
6) His mom called him “Princely” as a boy.
Paging Machiavelli! (If you don’t know what The Prince is, you’ll have to Google, or, umm, ask a Facebook friend what we’re talking about.)
7) His father taught “Princely” BASIC programming.
While the rest of us were fascinated by Donkey Kong.
8) A private computer tutor said it was “tough to stay ahead of him.”
Particularly when Zuckerberg, a charter member of the War Games generation, used his skills to message with NORAD supercomputers.
9) He connected his home and dad’s dental office computers with his self-made “ZuckNet” network.
Then the precocious prankster changed patient records, resulting in much hilarity as healthy teeth marked as cavity-riddled in his doctored files stumped dad.
10) He patented the words “defriend” and “unfriend” in high school.
That was a billion dollar decision right there.