To commemorate St. Patrick’s Day, we’ve selected some of the strangest patron saints on record that may protect you from the pitfalls of too much partying on the luckiest day of the year!
In this day and age, we need all the help we can get. Over the centuries, patron saints have been called on to help the faithful get through a myriad of rough patches, so we sought out a few who are ordained to protect you from making bad decisions on the “drinkiest” day of the year — St. Patrick‘s Day! So light a candle and say your prayers — help is on the way!
St. Monica – Patron Saint of Alcoholics
St. Patrick’s Day doesn’t do any favors for those who love their bubbly a little too much. But don’t fear! St. Monica is here! Born as a Christian in 322 AD, St. Monica ended up marrying a bad-tempered, cheating pagan fella, whom she fervently prayed for. But thankfully, for her sake, he converted on his deathbed, and later, their wayward, partying son also changed his life for the better. But St. Monica was a compassionate wife and mother; she knew what it meant to struggle, as she was recovering from the bottle herself — hence why she became the patron saint to those engaged with the wrong “spirits.”
St. Bibiana – Patron Saint of Hangovers
You can’t talk about St. Patrick’s Day without thinking of the repercussions to all that imbibing. But St. Bibiana has got your back (or more appropriately, your aching head). So if you end up staring down the abyss that is your toilet, give her a shout out and consider your hangover a first-world problem. Why? Because unlike you, Bibiana had a pretty miserable life. As legend has it, her parents were martyred, her sister suddenly fell dead, and Viviana was flogged to death and torn apart by wild animals. When she was buried, various herbs grew out from her grave, which helped with headaches, epileptic seizures, and the like.
St. Drogo – Patron Saint of Unattractive People
If too many brewskies suddenly turns everyone around you into supermodels, take St. Drogo with you. Hopefully, he’ll guide you on how to conduct yourself and help you see that murky-faced stranger you’ve been flirting with is actually not your type.
So how did Drogo become a saint to those who aren’t born so cute? As a young man, he had devoted his life to God and was on a holy pilgrimage when suddenly, he was stricken by a disease that deformed him. With pity in their hearts, the townsfolk allowed him to stay in a cell that was part of a church, so he could hide his ugliness from the world. Legend has it Drogo survived on water and the Eucharist alone and did not retaliate when children ogled at him through a window and offered him peanuts as if he were a caged animal.
St. Vitus – Patron Saint of Oversleeping
If all that raucous St. Paddy’s partying has got you plum tuckered out, but you gotta go into work the next day, call on St. Vitus to help you get up on time. Vitus was yet another sad soul with a sad story. After exorcising a demon out of a Roman Emperor’s son, the Emperor tortured Vitus by throwing him into a boiling cauldron of oil — along with a rooster. Vitus and the rooster’s association made him synonymous with early rising and hence, he became the saint to protect you from snoozing in excess.