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Television’s Baddest B*tches

In celebration of Joan Collins’ 84th birthday on May 23rd, we’ve picked some of our favorite wicked ladies of the small screen!

Alexis Carrington Colby, ‘Dynasty’

Of course, we must start with the birthday girl. No TV b*tch list is complete without the O.G. of Badassdom, Alexis Carrington Colby of Dynasty (Joan Collins). With her 10 lbs. of heavy makeup, sharp shoulder pads, and acidic British tongue, Alexis traipsed around Dynasty making the lives of her children, as well as the lives of her ex husband Blake and new wife Krystle an expensive living hell.

Brenda Walsh, ‘Beverly Hills, 90210’

Following closely in Alexis Colby’s footsteps was her younger 90s counterpart, Brenda Walsh (Shannen Doherty) of 90210. By the time she finished up at West Beverly High, Brenda’s Midwestern sweetness fizzled away faster than an open can of pop. She held steadfast to her teenage convictions, especially when it came to her bad boy Dylan, causing lots of grief with her parents and friends. Never mind that she decided to cheat on him when she took off to Paris — in Brenda’s mind, he and Kelly should’ve known better!

Edie Britt, ‘Desperate Housewives’

Edie Britt (Nicollette Sheridan) of Wisteria Lane loved getting under the skin of her female neighbors — often times by getting under the sheets with their ex-husbands. Whether she was setting Susan’s house on fire or blackmailing Carlos (after she feigns a suicide attempt to win his affections), Edie eventually got what she deserved when her psycho husband caused her to crash into an electric pole, which in turn, zapped her to high heaven.

Lady Mary Crawley, ‘Downton Abbey’

With her high society British accent and her inability to crack a smile unless she was cutting down her already insecure sister Edith, Lady Mary Crawley (Michelle Dockery) of Downton Abbey takes the ribbon for the baddest b*tch on PBS. Despite the tragic death of her beloved cousin-husband Matthew, Lady Mary didn’t flinch at maintaining her snobbery and even jockeyed for more power of the Downton estate — and of course, got it.

Victoria Grayson, ‘Revenge’

The cherubic-faced Emily Thorne didn’t quite know what she was up against when she tried to take on the dark-haired, Hamptons ice queen Victoria Grayson (Madeleine Stowe). The revenge part for Emily wouldn’t be too pretty — or easy. Victoria’s obsession with holding onto her social status knew no bounds and she delighted in the fight: From accusing her lover of being a terrorist to committing his daughter (Emily Thorne) to a loony bin to even allowing her own son to get pummeled in prison, Victoria was not going to let go of her high society reputation, beachfront mansion and diamonds without a fight.

Cersei Lannister, ‘Game of Thrones’

With looks that (do) kill, bloodthirsty revenge for her enemies, and her unapologetic lust for her brother Jamie (eww), Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey) wins the award for most twisted b*tch on premium cable. With her devotion only to her family (sans her dwarf brother Tyrion), Cersei’s evil deeds met their karmic fate when the High Sparrow forced her to walk naked through King’s Landing as penance. Shame! Shame! Shame!… Oh, but like all crazy-bad b*tches, she got her revenge in due time on the High Sparrow and his little religious devotees, like Septa Unella (below). See you in hell!